Its like your life, only more boring and full of angst [entries|friends|calendar] sparkplug87 [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[30 Aug 2006|03:47pm] It's been over a year since my last entry and before that it was sparse at best. I was incredibly whiny, albeit accurate. My boyfriend is gone; he's all the way in Atlanta while I'm stuck here in Athens. I'm not a party girl, I don't have a fake id, and I'm not in a sorority. So basically, I'm stuck here, with no car, playing racquetball. But it's not all bad. Sure, my internet doesn't show backgrounds, I have 6 classes plus lab to evey one else's 4 or 5, and my boyfriend does not stay over, but I have my friends. I have easy A classes and unlimited food. Which I'm about to go eat. I don't know why I'm starting this back up again, but I always liked it here. I felt much more anonymous. So maybe I won't use proper nouns anymore. It's a start. K add a comment

[19 Jul 2005|02:12am] i dont really update this all that often. im not really sure why- i think it has something to do with the fact that i cant html, and therefore cannot change the look, although i like the actual format of livejournal better than that of xanga. whatev. i use this more for me. i use it because its nice to be able to go back through and see what i was thinking one, two, three years ago at this same time. so heres what im thinking about today. AP scores. So far, i have two 4s and one five under my belt. World History: 4 US History: 4 Language and Compostion: 5 Maybe my half formulated dream of becoming a writer isnt so far fetched. i would like to write, but at the same time i dont feel that ive done anything in my life to sit down and 'become a writer.' who knows? medicines always interested me, so maybe ill do something with that. id rather not be a 'life or death decison making' doctor and would prefer to still be able to get married, have kids, etc. tough choices lie ahead. theyll just have to chill there for a while. keyan comes back on saturday. thats exciting. it was almost strange and surreal having him here this weekend. having him standing behind me, keeping me safe from the skankers/moshers was a good feeling. once you reach that certain age, the responsibility of that feeling of safety transfers from your parents to your significant other, and its more obvious at some points than others. and i missed him driving. to me, theres always been something strangely intimate about just the two of us driving. i dont know what it is; im always reminded of my parents- especially if we're taking someone else and theyre in the backseat. i feel like theres this barrier of understand separating us from everyone else. and i suppose theres that added sense of adultness that comes from being able to drive yourself around late at night, of being allowed to drive places where directions, and therefore a navigator, are needed. i guess im a freak- connecting telling keyan when to turn left to intimacy, but thats neither here nor there. ive missed him a lot. it probably has helped that we didnt spend last summer with each other- we were actually barely talking to each other at the time- so i dont have memories of that to fall back on and mope over. becca keeps telling me not to get my hopes up, to keep up my guard, but thats really a hopeless cause now. coincidentally, the day he gets back will be five months. thats pretty shocking to me; ive never had a relationship that lasted over two weeks. five months, one of them absent, and we're still good. its strange to think, and even stranger to put into writing, but i cant imagine us breaking up. this thing between us has just always been there, always. i cant imagine life without it. and now hes thinking about going to college in state instead of stanford in california. im trying not to be too glad. i want him to stick around, but at the same time, i want him to do as well as he can, and i dont intend to be the person to hold him back. he can do great things, i know. i looked at his ap scores. things are great between us. i dont know how i got this lucky- lucky enough for a second chance. lucky enough to have my best friend as my boyfriend. my mom is so weird about the whole thing. she keeps asking me if we have another 'jessica and denny situation.' they never dated anyone else, went to all the homecomings and proms together, and i want to say theyll be married three years? i dont know how to respond to things like that. try to keep my already active imagination on a short leash, but her hounding me about it isnt helping. the bamboo that his grandmother and stepmom gave me is getting so big, and thats almost a built in metaphor (please no 'love fern' jokes). all i know is that im very excited to have him home again soon. bands not the same, trivias not the same, and watching movies by yourself is just pathetic. i should probably try to go to sleep. i had a really good sleep pattern at the beginning of summer, but now that swimmings over and i dont have to wake up at 8 am anymore, i find myself randomly awake at 4 am with nothing to do. its 2:30 now, and im awake. think i need to go to the library and (after i pay for late fees) pick up another romance novel. But i forgot- i cant even read them anymore. the dialoge just seems trite or stupid and i find myself comparing real life experiences to those on the page and feeling superior. he and i have both decided that our life is like a movie, like a book. id rather have real life. too bad 'real life' is stuck in valdosta until about 6 o clock on saturday. until i decide its time for another emo rant, Kathy 1 comment| add a comment

[25 Jun 2005|12:16am] Thursday was 4. I miss him. add a comment

[05 Jun 2005|12:38am] well, its sunday. officially one week left before keyan goes away to ghp. i guess it really hasnt sunk in yet. he keeps talking about how he has to pick up this, or order that, but i dont think ill really realize that hes gone until a few days after hes left. i really dont know what im going to do with myself. for the past three months, weve been 'Keyan and Kathy' and im not sure how im going to handle being 50% of what im used to. its impossible to think that i cant call him at all hours of the day and night to talk about nothing or tell him about some dream that i had or ask him if he decided where he wants to eat because im too indecisive to choose. it doesnt make sense that i wont be able to look up over the bar at work and see him coming in just to see me. i cant believe that its going to be 6 weeks before we get to sit together and watch a movie or laugh about stupid things over ice cream, or debate about what 'melifulous' means. im going to miss him a lot. i dont think i really know just how much, or else id probably have a nervous breakdown. i have no idea where valdosta is; to me, valdosta is just as far away or as remote as Wyoming, or any other place ive only heard of and never seen. this just all makes me fast forward to a year from now, when were all saying our goodbyes. i dont know what the situation will be like then- i just know that i hate it when we dont talk every day and now im presented with 6 weeks of silence. sure, theres probably email, and a call now and then, but i dont want to be 'that girlfriend'-the one thats constantly checking up or constatly wanting to be in contact. i want him to have a good time without me, but im not completely sure i can have a good time without him. im not really worried about 'us', about other ghp girls (although, they call it Go Home Pregnant for a reason...). Im more worried about the silences that will be left when hes gone. its just a very long time to spend apart from anyone- especially someone ive come to rely on, depend on, lean on. im going up to his dads tomorrow- i think we may end up going down to the olympic park, probably play some games, and ill finally get to swing on the swing and the loft. its going to be great- but its not going to be enough. its almost one am, and im officially whiney. adios- Kathy add a comment

[08 May 2005|11:58pm] Keyan and Bryan came to visit me at work on saturday night. i was glad i could see them both since i was working until 11 ish. After i got off work, i walked out to my car, and on it was a peach rose and a note. keyan had left it there when he came to see me. i love the kid. 1 comment| add a comment

[14 Feb 2005|12:10am] MarzOcchi65: I don't know what I want to do with my life MarzOcchi65: do you? nejo9287: oh hell no nejo9287: i have no idea nejo9287: im not good at anything MarzOcchi65: you should do stand-up MarzOcchi65: standing up would be the only hard part for you nejo9287: haha stand up? nejo9287: im not funny MarzOcchi65: you're not? nejo9287: lol MarzOcchi65: when did this happen? nejo9287: ok, well, maybe im funny MarzOcchi65: see Thats it- Patrick has spoken. I may not be Mitch Hedberg, but... who knows? ;) Kathy add a comment

Of the Update [31 Jan 2005|03:32pm] Nothing too intriguing going on in my life right now. School, school, and more school. Swimmings almost finished for the year, and i dont think ill be sad to see it go. Hell, i spent most of the past season looking for ways to get out of swim practice. However, now that i can go off and do whatever after school now, idk if i will do as much as when i had somewhere else to be and just decided not to go. I mean, who would think to just go swing on the swings at Bay Creek Park randomly? i mean, come on... i should be studying for math/physics/history. im not because a) i dont think theres anything i can do to keep from failing the math test, apart from cheating; b) i think i know physics this time *shock and awe*; c) i just took history test part one about an hour ago, and i need some time to calm down. just grabbed me some chic fil a. Im seriously obsessed with their chicken nuggets. thats reason number one i could never move to the north. And.. since i have nothing else that i care to be doing... Reasons why Kathy could never move to the north... 1) No Chick Fil A. Boo, crazy Baptist S. Truett Cathy. 2) my fingers turn blue when it gets really cold 3) i complain about scraping the thin sheet of ice off my windshield in the morning... i cant imagine digging out my entire car 4) my trucks not a 4X4 ;) 5) northern accents are annoying 6) i dont like seasons. i like summer and fall. 7) farther to travel to get to the beach 8) the only people i know above the mason-dixon line are related to me 9) the only cold weather clothes i have are fake georgia-winter ones. theres nothing practical about my winter attire. i would freeze to death in an instant 10) If maddie goes outside in the snow, snow gets stuck to her and she looks like a living snow..er..dog. 11) I dont think i could ever bring myself to ask for either a 'soda' or a 'pop' AND 12) every time i think of the north, i envision 'To Build a Fire.' Who wants to have to kill their dog to save their already burned hands from frostbite? Not I. yeah. i was bored, so sue me... Kathy 1 comment| add a comment

[10 Jan 2005|09:41pm] TheDivinePenguin: Great American Heroes (Great American Heroes) Today, we salute you Kathy Johnston. What's greater than infinite wealth? World peace? Saving the whales? Why coke and chocolate of course. (Ultimate sugar high!) As you toil laboriously over the keyboard dealing with people initiating conversations with 'So..' you sip on the superior of the colas. (Pepsi sucks, pepsi sucks) If sarcasm could kill, well let's just say the Grim Reaper wouldn't be punching out very often. We wouldn't want anybody to get in the fray after misspelling your name Kathii or doling out too many half-assed compliments. So crack open an ice cold bud light you utopian entity of uniqueness, because without you life just wouldn't be as entertaining. Hehehe Jason made another one. it is also amusing... Kathii (<3, *) add a comment

[08 Jan 2005|12:45am] Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles today Tomorrow will be dying. The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun, The higher he's a-getting, The sooner will his race be run, And nearer he's to setting. That age is best which is the first, When youth and blood are warmer; But being spent, the worse, and worst Times still succeed the former. Then be not coy, but use your time, And while ye may, go marry: For having lost but once your prime You may for ever tarry. Edited to add: But, and i dont mean to overshadow the previous poem, but Rachel told me i should add the best poem of all time: John Donne Anne Donne Undone Yay for mediocre literature. Kathy Robert Herrick (1591-1674) add a comment

[25 Dec 2004|04:02am] Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. Ralph Waldo Emerson add a comment

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